The Bread

The bread. The bread. The doughnuts? No. The bread. What about the M&M cookies? They call to me with their little chocolatey voices. Their multicoloured bodies laid to rest amongst a grave of golden brown dough. Yes. Those will do nicely. I will take some of those. In walks a guy right out of a Dolce and Gabbana advert in GQ magazine. I guess he's looking for animal produce. Our little friend saunters up to the deli counter and enquires as to the brand label of the hairnet that the plump little lady behind the glass cases of meat is wearing. At least that's what I imagine he said, I can't say I was listening. Anyway, the bread. The guy thankfully exits my view and I'm left to wonder if he actually paid money for that shirt, of if it came with his Burberry sweater. I make a b-line for the checkouts. I exchange a crumpled bank note for my goods in a plastic bag and onto the streets once again I do venture. The sky is in it's own shade of steel, looking down on us all with a bored expression. I thread my best through the clatter alongside swiftly moving clumps of machinery and metal and hit the steps. A wide set that lead downwards like a gently sloping grey hill. Across the Mall, a cheeky wink in the direction of Her Majesty's abode, and it's into the park for me. Crunchy gravel and jumbled laughter from bohemian wannabes kindles my soundtrack of general city noise and my hunger ceases to be theoretical. Dead candy shells are calling. S.H.

Do Squirrels Eat Toast?

Do squirrels eat toast? Why yes, they do. Don’t believe me? Well, then I’ll tell you the story. The year was 2004 and I remember it as clearly as if it was only six or so years ago. I was taking a light stroll in a north London park, as was my want of that period in my life, and I came across a squirrel in possession of a full piece of white toasted bread.I guess it could have actually just been a discarded slice of stale bread that looked like toast because it was rigid, but it looked like toast to me. I looked at the squirrel, the squirrel looked at me. To be honest it was quite awkward, after all, he was in the middle of his breakfast. How would you react if a six foot tall squirrel walked into your kitchen as you where about to hoe into a whopping bowl of cereal?
Anyways, I looked at him and he looked at me, as if to say ‘got any jam, buddy?’ As it so happened, I didn’t, but he didn’t ask so dignity was retained by both parties. Any how, in answer to your question, do squirrels eat toast? Yes they do, and they love it. S.H.